Attentive Listening
Attentive listening is the most valuable tool we have for enriching the quality of relationships. Yet, it is often neglected. Attentive listening means listening WITHOUT DISTRACTION. I have met very few people who have practiced this approach to the point of making it a skill. My...
Relationship Keepers
My wife, Evelyn, and I presented a keynote session at a marriage conference in Honolulu, Hawaii. Our presentation was entitled, “HOW TO USE YOUR PARTNER’S DIFFERENCES OF OPINION TO YOUR ADVANTAGE.” At the conclusion of the session, participants shared their “keepers”—those...
The Horse Whisperer
Monty Roberts is a famous horse trainer—a model for the Robert Redford film, “The Horse Whisperer.” The trainer conducts demonstrations of how he trains wild mustangs. Monty grew up in central California and, at age 12, started observing them. He now puts his observations...
Advice From My Mother
I was brought up on a principle my mother instilled in me, namely, “If you can’t say something nice about a person, then do not say anything at all.” In other words, refrain from negativism. The advice of my mother found itself the bedrock of my first principle...
Getting in the Last Word
You can still get in the last word: Apologize. Thanks to Gene Griessman aka Abraham Lincoln.
Honesty and Emotions
My mother-in-law -used to say, “Be careful of asking for someone’s opinion. The person may give it to you.” If someone asks you for your opinion and if the person perceives that your comments are derogatory, there is a problem. Cognition and emotion go hand in hand,...
Giving
“Give and you shall receive.” We know this, but how often do we practice it? At the root of so many relationship problems is that people stop giving to each other—or they give the wrong things. This is very common in parent-child relationships. Parents are more likely...
Share with the Young
The Golden Rules for Living (author unknown) were shared with me. I share them with you: 1. If you open it, close it. 2. If you break it, admit it. 3. If you borrow it, return it. 4. If you move it, put it back. 5. If you unlock it, lock it up. 6. If you turn it on, turn...
Influencing vs Clarifying
We are constantly making choices—both consciously and nonconsciously. We are also aware that timing is important. With this in mind, here is a simple choice to make when having difficulty in dealing with others: “Should I aim at influencing or at clarifying.” If you...
Inducing Desired Behavior by Noncoercion
When I gave a keynote in Montana I referred to one of its native sons, Buck Brannaman. He was the horse trainer who advised and worked with Robert Redford on the film, “The Horse Whisperer.” Brannaman trained Redford and first doubled for him in the critical scene when...