Believing that learning is prohibited because students come from unstructured homes, from poverty, or have some other situation that cannot be changed is a mindset of victimhood thinking. Certainly, some home situations diminish optimum learning, but they do not prevent learning.

Regardless of the situation, people can be taught that they can be masters of their fate, that they can be victors rather than victims. Students can be taught that they have the power to choose to learn or not to learn. The choice is theirs.

I saw a teacher teach this powerful lesson to first graders when she taught students to ask themselves, “What can I do in this situation?” The question empowers students with the understanding that choices are always available.

Robert Louis Stevenson, the Scottish-American writer wrote, “There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy.”

Here are a few thoughts that may assist in this most important endeavor.

What is important is how FREQUENTLY, not how intensely, you are happy. The thrills of winning in Las Vegas, an intense joy of a personal encounter, or having a peak of ecstasy are wonderful moments. But happiness comes from being content most of the time. This occurs when you have thoughts and feelings of well being, an inner sense of balance and purpose.

Good news such as getting a promotion or winning a lottery prompts happiness for a while. Then we adapt. Bad news such as ending a relationship or losing a job brings sadness for awhile. Then we adapt. Adaptation explains why people can be happy after physically disabling accidents and tragedies.

Adaptation starts with an aim to be happy. This sounds obvious, but often we don’t make happiness a priority. Here is a simple procedure. Write the words, “I intend to be happy today,” on a piece of paper and stick it on the bathroom mirror. When you look at it in the morning, stop and reflect. Ask yourself, “What can I be happy about today?” This reflective question and your response will direct your self-talk throughout the day.

Posting the note and taking time to reflect will remind you to be grateful during your day for that which contributes to happiness—be it joking with a co-worker, stopping to gaze and smell the splendor of a flower, drinking your favorite cup of coffee, or spending a special moment with someone.

Happiness hides in life’s small details. If you’re not looking, you will not see them.

As a youth growing up in Hollywood, California, I would hear Al Jarvis, a disk jockey on radio station KFWB, often say, “It’s the little things in life that mean the most to all of us.” I was lucky. I listened and learned this wisdom at a young age. And I am grateful for it.

“Dr. Marvin Marshall’s book addresses a fundamental problem that every society must solve: how to produce individuals who will take responsibility for doing the important tasks that need to get done. He focuses on what is the essence of good citizenship in the home, school, and nation. Using some of the latest findings of social science, Dr. Marshall has developed an approach that enables parents and teachers to help young people grow into responsible citizens and live satisfying and rewarding inner-directed lives.”
—Gene Griessman, Ph.D., Author of “THE WORDS LINCOLN LIVED BY”

The former astronaut (first American to orbit the earth, 1962, and former four-term Ohio Senator) recently initiated a “service leadership” program, a joint effort of the John Glenn Institute for Public Service and Public Policy and the Kellogg Foundation.

I mentioned that I had been the principal of Norwalk High School when he visited John Glenn High School, his namesake, and a neighboring high school in the Norwalk-La Mirada Unified School District in Los Angeles County. My point to him was that the “service learning” project is a very significant contribution.

Past generations had a high priority for teaching qualities of character—such as respect for elders, appropriate dress showing deference to the occasion, manners, and those behaviors that make for social civility.

However, young parents of recent generations emphasize feeling over behavior. Parents are very concerned with children’s happiness. Children are often given, not only what they desire, but also additional services and items of material value in attempts to make them happy. Good intentions, but this can lead to dependency and lack of responsibility.

Since self-esteem and how people feel have become of paramount importance, parents believe that external approaches such as rewarding youngsters for appropriate behavior and praising them for good acts are thought to be necessary.

Good intentions, again! But look at the results. Youngsters ask, “If I do that, what will I get?”

The simple wisdom has been lost. People gain and grow by GIVING, rather than by receiving. It is in the EFFORT that a person grows. Self-worth emanates from feelings of satisfaction—rather than by external comments from other people.

I am not suggesting that people should not be recognized, but I am suggesting that feelings and beliefs of self-worth do not emanate from external sources. They are the result of our thinking and what we do—our efforts and the satisfactions that come from them.

John Glenn’s “service learning” encourages one of the most valuable approaches towards growth and responsibility. As the motto of Rotary International states, “Service Above Self.”

Since being responsible requires thinking, effort, and choosing from a range of difficult decisions, many young people nonconsciously convince themselves that it is too insurmountable a challenge. Some blame others for their problems without any thought as to responsible responses to their problems (challenges). Others hope that someone will come along and make everything right.

People can operate more responsibly if they have a strategy.

One strategy is to ask young people the following question: “If you wanted to be fully responsible right now, what would you be doing?”

In most cases, the answer will be readily apparent. It’s just a matter of listening to the responses and acting upon them.

Another strategy is to use sentence-completion exercises. For example, just for a week have them begin the day by thinking of endings to each of the following sentences:

–If I operate 5% more responsibly at school, I will. . . .
–If I operate 5% more responsibly at home, I will. . . .
–If I accept full responsibility for my own happiness, I will. . . .

Young people find that this exercise—as the question mentioned earlier—stimulates the brain to make new neural connections which, in turn, acts as a prompt to more responsible behaviors.

Additional reflective questions for promoting responsibility can be found at http://www.marvinmarshall.com/reflective_questions.html

When we want the young person to do something and he or she does not, oftentimes stress is induced—on the adult. The youngster is aware of your emotions and (nonconsciously) derives a sense of power from it. What the young person  is doing—or not doing—is seen as directing your emotions.

Let’s assume the young person  has a number of things to do and is lackadaisical about doing them. You remind the youngster to no avail. Time passes. Another reminder is forthcoming with the same result.

Rather than become increasingly stressed, have a chat. The conversation will revolve around those things which are to be done by the youngster. After listing them, establish a procedure for each—VERY SPECIFIC procedures.

If the task is homework, the procedure lists exactly what and when preparations start and how the task will be handled. A list is made which includes starting time, location, and necessary materials to be on hand.

If other activities precede homework, they are also listed—again including specifics. If the activity before starting homework is play of some kind, items such as starting time for cleanup and what criteria will be used to determine when cleanup is satisfactory are listed.

The plan and list should be ELICITED FROM THE YOUNGSTER. This ensures ownership. Of course, the adult can offer suggestions and prompt further reflection with questions.

If the time for a scheduled activity arrives without movement toward it, the parent simply queries, “Have you checked your list?”

If there is not satisfactory progress, then elicit the consequence from the youngster. The child may show stress by becoming emotional. Do not respond to the emotional outbreak. If you do, you are sending the message, “Get emotional and you can have your way.” Instead, redirect the attention to something else until the outburst subsides. Remember that emotions always follow cognition—not the other way around.

Stress is oftentimes a learning opportunity that promotes responsibility. And since the youngster is the one whose behavior needs to change, the young one is the one who may have the stress—not you.

Since the singing of its first stanza has recently resounded across the nation, you may enjoy the poem written by Katherine Lee Bates in its entirety.

Notice that the second verse is about self-control, a key factor in both national and individual responsible behaviors.

AMERICA THE BEAUTIFUL
by Katharine Lee Bates

O beautiful for spacious skies
For amber waves of grain
For purple mountain majesties
Above the fruited plain!
America! America!
God shed his grace on thee
And crown thy good with brotherhood
From sea to shining sea!

O beautiful for pilgrim feet
Whose stern impassioned stress
A thoroughfare for freedom beat
Across the wilderness!
America! America!
God mend thine every flaw
Confirm thy soul in self-control
Thy liberty in law!

O beautiful for heroes proved
In liberating strife
Who more than self the country loved
And mercy more than life!
America! America!
May God thy gold refine
Till all success be nobleness
And every gain divine!

O beautiful for patriot dream
That sees beyond the years
Thine alabaster cities gleam
Undimmed by human tears!
America! America!
God shed his grace on thee
And crown thy good with brotherhood
From sea to shining sea!

O beautiful for halcyon skies
For amber waves of grain
For purple mountain majesties
Above the enameled plain!
America! America!
God shed his grace on thee
Till souls wax fair as earth and air
And music-hearted sea!

O beautiful for pilgrims feet
Whose stern impassioned stress
A thoroughfare for freedom beat
Across the wilderness!
America! America!
God shed his grace on thee
Till paths be wrought through
Wilds of thought
By pilgrim foot and knee!

O beautiful for glory-tale
Of liberating strife
When once and twice
for man’s avail
Men lavished precious life!
America! America!
God shed his grace on thee
Till selfish gain no longer stain
The banner of the free!

O beautiful for patriot dream
That sees beyond the years
Thine alabaster cities gleam
Undimmed by human tears!
America! America!
God shed his grace on thee
Till nobler men keep once again
Thy whiter jubilee!

The comment struck a very tender spot with me—one that brought to mind how I got started and
why I am doing what I do.

I returned to the classroom after 24 years in school counseling, supervision, and administration—looking forward to the joy of once again working with young people. The prime factor that struck me more than any other in my observation of students was that so many of the current generation lacked the sense of responsibility of former generations. This prompted me to develop a system for promoting responsibility.

Using what I had gained from my experiences in teaching at all levels, as well as my counseling experiences and what I had learned as an elementary school principal, middle school administrator, and high school principal, I wrote my first book, ”FOSTERING SOCIAL RESPONSIBILITY,” published by Phi Delta Kappa.

Some  foundations can be reduced to three principles: (1) People act better when they feel better. (2) People are empowered when given choices. (3) No one can change another person. A person CAN CONTROL another person but CANNOT CHANGE another person. People change themselves.

I also knew that, from my former teaching experiences that I had to teach procedures for everything that I wanted my students to do well. Well aware that teaching procedures is proactive and absolutely necessary for good classroom management, I thought, why not use a  PROactive approach—rather than a REactive approach?  Why wait until a student misbehaves and then REACT? in a negative way? Why not use Stephen Covey’s first habit of highly effective people? Be PROACTIVE; TEACH first.

This was the beginning of the “RAISE RESPONSIBILITY SYSTEM” now used in schools across the country and now available in books free of charge to any school in the U.S. that wants to use the approach. See Discipline Without Stress, Inc.  I did not set out to develop a discipline program. I set out to raise the level of social and individual responsibility of my students.

Here is what I discovered: With today’s youth, if you teach toward obedience, you will face resistance, rebellion, and defiance—more often than you care to. However, if you aim at and foster RESPONSIBILITY, you will get obedience as a natural by-product.

After developing a simple program, my discipline problems disappeared, my stress was reduced, and I truly regained the joy of classroom teaching. All I did was (1) TEACH four levels of social development, (2) hone my skills of asking reflective questions (already set up because the levels are a benchmark for reflection), and (3) with some students learn how to use authority without being punitive.

Suggestion: Reflect on the best path for your students—towards obedience or towards responsibility. I have learned that the former does not naturally transfer to the latter.

I think the greatest compliment one can give an individual in our changing world is that he or she is a student of something and constantly seeks to learn and grow.

I view learning as a responsibility I have for myself.

Perhaps the statement of the dear old gentleman in his late eighties best captures my thinking. He said, “Whatever the confusions of yesterday, the uncertainties of tomorrow, or the frustrations of today, this I know to be true: When I cease to grow, I’ll begin to die. And so while I can run, I’ll run; while I can walk, I’ll walk; and when I can only crawl, I’ll crawl. But I’ll always be moving forward.”